you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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