I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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