i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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