Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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