So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
