why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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