U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
