yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
