What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wish there were birth control emojis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
