I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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