I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize