if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
