Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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