i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
