my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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