I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
