If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.