Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
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I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking