Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.