R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us