party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
