bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
