So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
