i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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