The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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