She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
