I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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