i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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