turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
