Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
