I can text with my tongue
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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