Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Enjoy the penises
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
