My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
