I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
