she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
