I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
