i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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