Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
