Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
