pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
