I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize