i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize