I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
