i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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