your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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