At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
