dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
