He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
