I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
