i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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