I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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