This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
