it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He did a backflip because drugs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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