At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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