This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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