things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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