Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
