Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
