currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
