i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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