Jerry, you need to find god
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
